Saturday, March 12, 2011

rainer update

at sharkey's

Rainer is back to his sweet, adorable self. He went to preschool Thursday and Friday and now we are enjoying being home together on the weekend.

I, on the other hand, am dealing with some emotional stuff-- fallout from last weekend, I think. I was extremely joyful at first, having him home and getting back to our routine, and then today I just crashed and felt blue and teary all day. I actually feel a little PTSD-ish, to tell the truth. We never had any closure about what happened--never got to speak with the neurologist after the initial introduction--so I'm having a hard time processing it all. I'm feeling a little better tonight, though. I went on a coffee date with Ken and am looking forward to taking the kids to Santa Barbara tomorrow. I know it will do me good to get out of the house and go to a beautiful place.

Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers and positive energy. They have meant so much to me. I'm hoping to get a post up tomorrow about the 30 day vegan thing I am doing.

19 comments:

* said...

I can only imagine what you must be going through. The stress and worry and the lack of closure afterwards it's a lot for a mama heart to have to carry. I have often silently marveled at your strength to shoulder all that you do with such good cheer and optimism. It has inspired me so much to make my own days brighter.
I hope that in this tender time after devoting so much loving care and energy to Rainer, that you take some time to restore and heal from what I would imagine has been a pretty heavy ordeal.
Your family is very much in my mind these days. Still sending lots of healing energy to Rainer and to you too.

Sarah said...

I am so glad you're home and things are well. When Isaac had a seizure, caused by low blood sugar due to honeymooning, it was an awful, awful feeling. One I will never forget - that moment where no matter what I did I knew it wouldn't fix anything, that I had to think faster than I could imagine ever moving and just get all done RIGHT THEN to save my child...oye. I still feel panic when I think about it.
so, I am beyond relieved and thankful you're fine. I hope you get some good concrete explanations or at least better understanding.
And I hope you're enjoying those gorgeous kiddos of yours :)
Take care.

kera said...

You MUST give yourself credit for what you've just endured....it's a LOT for one momma's heart to handle and you surely are feeling HUGE PTSD right now. What a very scary situation you faced. I continue praying for Rainer and will continue praying for you! Hope you have a beautiful day surrounded by those people you love the most!!

Kory said...

PTSD is probably pretty close mama! I will continue to keep you guys in my thoughts as you all recover from such a scary experience!

Kelly and Kelly said...

you are all still in my thoughts/prayers. give yourself time to process.

Laura said...

I'm glad to hear that Rainer is doing well.
As for you, please give yourself time. You went through so much last week - as a mother myself, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. You were probably so concerned about Rainer that you didn't allow yourself to think much about you & how you were feeling. Take some time to relax and enjoy your day in Santa Barbara with your family.
Sending healing thoughts to both you & Rainer.

Sara said...

Have a lovely time with your family in beautiful Santa Barbara!
I wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts. You are truly an inspiration, Maribeth. I hope you get some answers in the coming weeks. Please, be gentle with yourself, as you know it takes time to heal. I have found that I operate fine in crisis mode and break down later ~sometimes unexpectedly. Much love and strength to you~

Fiona said...

Look after yourself, my dear. Hope you have a restful weekend :)

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

<--Sorry, that was my deleted comment...

What a roller coaster ride you have been on these past few years, Mary Beth! I am hoping for continued peaks! I am thinking of your and your darling family. (P.S. I love the pictures of your vegan dishes!)

Karen said...

i'm so glad you appear to be doing better, MB. i'm vegan and when i stick with it 100 percent, i am always amazed at how "clean" and energetic i feel. you will come to love it. it is more work but after a while it becomes second nature and you barely think of it (and you can add more processed things like tofu and tempeh back in!). i like to make a wrap spread that lasts a week, a big pot of soup, pasta with "meat" sauce, or just naked taco on a plate - beans, white rice, frank's red hot, avocado, shredded greens. i do love green smoothies and need to make them more - great way to get your iron and calcium! ponder orange juice fortified with calcium and D (i love tropicana) instead of water in the smoothies. more potassium! hugs to you, dear friend.

Chris said...

i am glad he is doing better. you all deserve a little relaxation therapy.

Elizabeth said...

Hi -- I'm here from 30-day vegan; although I had come across your blog before and lost track of it. I'm so sorry to hear about your hospital time and hope it resolves. Caring for a person who is sick is unrelenting, and I can only imagine how much more difficult it is when it is a child. Even though it can feel *normal* and do-able when you're in the middle of it, honor how hard you are working to keep everything together. Sending love.

Maiz Connolly said...

I'm sure it will take some time to process what you just went through. You're probably carrying a lot of past worries about Rainer that are lined up and waiting for you to process, so something this immediate and scary must have started a small flood! I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, too. Wish I was meeting you in SB... soon!

Anonymous said...

Demand that those doctors talk to you! You deserve more processing. If you can't get through, write them a letter asking for contact. Grrrr. Best wishes. Relish in your lovely family.

Joy said...

Still thinking of you all and praying for you. I'm so glad that Rainer is home and doing well. I hope you can find the closure you need. xoxo

Anonymous said...

After awhile you will stop having cravings. I'm glad you're enjoying the food so far. It is extra work eating fresh, but it's worth it.

I can relate to the PTSD. I've been in the ER with my child twice for treatment for a life threatening condition, and you operate on pure adrenaline until the danger passes. Then, I crash. I get weepy and want to sleep for a week. Take good care of yourself and let yourself feel whatever you're feeling. You went through a lot.
Hugs,
Kim

lisarenata said...

I can't even begin to imagine what a rough and scary time you went through, but know that you and your family continue to be in my prayers. I'm glad he is back home. And please, don't ever EVER feel bad to break down after something so emotionally draining, how can you not? It is healthy and normal; and you need it to continue to be the strong mama you are

Guilt and Coffee said...

Hi; I just discovered your blog. I totally relate to your post. My daughter is going through neurological recovery process; we travel quite often for her check ups and the last time I cried the whole time for the first couple of days, even during the medical appointments (yep, embarrassing). When we came back home I kept thinking of it, to figure out why I had such an outburst. I guess it has to do a lot with going out of the known routine, the expectations on news from the doctors, the complications and extra stress of being away from home where everything is sort of figured out or arranged to make life a little easier. Give yourself a LOT of credit, these situations can be very exhausting. Thanks for sharing!